We live in a world where corruption and self-centered politics are everywhere, including the church.  The expectation, however, is that the church should be exempt and so disillusionment comes with the resultant attitude of “why bother?”  Problems in the church, however, are nothing new.  Read through the New Testament Epistles and you will encounter a church that was far from perfect. 

The harsh reality is that we live in a fallen world.  Though redeemed, Christians still must contend with the old sin nature.  Read Romans 7 for a good description of that inner battle.  If not walking in the Spirit, Christians too can fall into temptation and live for self; hence the need for true fellowship.  We need to be spurring one another on rather than spurning one another.  We are all a work in progress.

How can we help disillusioned people want to fellowship?

1. Do not be afraid to apologize for wrongs done in the church, to ask for forgiveness.  Worse than making a mistake is being too proud to admit it.
2. Be patient, kind, and respectful toward them.  Criticizing them for how they feel will probably only make it worse.
3. Be an example.  Model forgiveness and true fellowship.
4. Teach on the role of forgiveness in relationships.
5. Work at reconciliation and restoration among believers before irreparable damage is done (Phil. 4:2-3).  What one or two people do can affect people’s perception of the whole church.
6. Compel them with the irresistible love of Jesus.  Let His love flow through you so much that people want more. “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:8).
7. Don’t give up on them.  You’ll only be living up to their expectations if you do.

We do live in a stress-filled world.  Fearing that fellowship with others will further burden them, some people will isolate themselves.  What this actually shows is a lack of understanding about true fellowship. 

Scripture is filled with passages about how we are to be relating to “one another.”  The Greek word for “one another” is allelon which denotes a mutual, reciprical relating one to the other.  The goal is that we build one another up, not become a drag on each other.  “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). 

How can we help stress-filled people step outside of themselves and into true fellowship?

1. Teach about God’s design of the church being that of interdependence.  Emphasize that the one another passages are about a mutual, reciprical relating one with the other.  True fellowship is a two-way street.
2. Set time limits for each person to share when breaking into smaller groups or pairs.  Signal when it should be time to switch focus onto the other person.
3. If you have “needy” people in your small group, do not be afraid to put a cap on their sharing so they do not monopolize the time.  When you do that, however, it should come with a promise to speak one-on-one after group time if the need remains.  You do not want anyone to feel ignored.  If you allow someone to monopolize the group with their needs, it could be discouraging for others who then do not have opportunity to share.
4. Provide other forums like support groups or one-on-one counseling for those who can’t seem to step outside of themselves enough to care about the needs of others.  Make the objective of such groups that of helping people become fully functioning members of the body, not to wallow in their problems.

Time and availability, however, tend to be a rare commodity for many in today’s world geared toward instant access and fast service.  It takes time, however, to get to know people.  And, it isn’t always convenient to extend comfort and encouragement when people most need it. 

How can we help busy people take time for true fellowship?

1. Perhaps we need to re-educate people about the purpose of coming together.  It isn’t just about coming to worship God.  The church is also about people who build each other up.  Fellowship isn’t going to happen when you rush in and out without stopping to engage in conversations.
    
   Church leaders, be careful meetings are not so tightly scheduled that people have no time to interact in-between.  If the sermon is always going overtime, it will tend to make people all the more eager to rush out at the end.  If your service gets over at noon, people will want to go eat lunch.  If you can’t make the time earlier, perhaps you can tack a meal on at the end … at least sometimes.  This of course, might only pull in a limited number of people but it is something to consider.
    
   
2. We might be tempted to all the more encourage the use of social media because we’re busy.  It only takes a few seconds to send a tweet.  You can write on your Facebook wall and all your friends will get it.  — a real time saver, right?  Perhaps, but a high tech world also tends to lead to a low touch world.  Encourage people to use these mediums but to guard against them becoming a substitute for face-to-face relationships simply because it is more convenient.
    
   Ministry leaders can be an example in this.  How easy it is in these days to abandon face-to-face recruitment efforts in lieu of a quick e-mail or software programs geared to streamlining contacts.  Let’s use technology but not be used by it.
    
   
3. Offer a variety of options for people getting together that provide a variety of commitment levels to meet people where they are.
    
   Someone following MinTools.com on Facebook suggested asking people to our homes for dessert, “not too long to keep them from things,” as opposed to inviting them for a full meal where they would feel guilty to simply eat and run.  This is a good option for busy people whereas others might be able to take time for a meal.  Perhaps you could start by inviting them for a meal and if they hesitate because they are too busy, offer the dessert option.  This example could possibly be applied to other ways we might try to get people to meet together.
    
   
4. Do things that truly interest people and meet needs and they will be more prone to make the time.  People, as busy as thy are, tend to make time for what they believe is important.
    
5. Teach on time management and lining up our priorities with God’s.
    
6. Minimize travel time for small groups and other get-togethers by grouping according to locale.
    
7. Build more opportunities for true fellowship into already existing ministry venues.  What people don’t need is another program to attend.
    
8. Pastors and ministry leaders must participate in fellowship with the Body as well, leading the way, if they expect others to follow suit.   It is so easy for pastors and ministry leaders to engage in fellowship with fellow staff and rarely with fellow church members.  People need to see both in leadership.

The Apostle Paul consistently encouraged churches to “Greet one another with a holy kiss” (Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thess. 5:26).  He was literally asking them to demonstrate their fellowship through an act of affection, not simply through words.  That is hard to do on social networks, over the phone, texting, or through e-mail.

How can we foster true fellowship in a high tech, low touch world?

1. I recently read something stating that today’s high tech generation may be starting to have difficulty relating to one another in person.  If that is so, encourage them to start by simply greeting one another.  If the “holy kiss” (sign of affection could also be a hug or handshake) pushes you too far, what about a simple welcoming gesture like saying hello, nod of the head, meeting of eyes, a smile?  … Try doing it with everyone who crosses your path.  See what a difference it makes.  And, leaders need to be setting an example in this.
2. Teach on the one another passages in such a practical way that people see that there is no substitute for face-to-face fellowship. 
3. Don’t compete with technology.  Use it but don’t rely on it.  Encourage the use of e-mail, texting, and social media to stay in touch but help people see that it is only a stepping stone, a complimentary or supplementary means to enhance true fellowship. 
4. While people are together, make the most of that time relationally.  Make sure Sunday School teachers, small group leaders, etc. are trained to know how to strengthen relationships among group members.   Don’t expect it to happen naturally.  Though Hebrews 10:24 was written prior to communication technology, the need to plan for it to happen was encouraged back then — “And let us consider how we may spur one another on …”  How much more we need to be deliberate about this today!
5. Encourage small groups to add a fun activity and/or outreach effort into their agenda, perhaps quarterly.  Fun activities give us opportunity to simply enjoy each other’s presence. We need to do more of that!  Outreach activities give us opportunity to work/serve with others side by side. While technology might get us connected, it will only go so far! We can’t too easily do these things through email, social media, etc.

(The last two points were based on some comments from someone following MinTools.com on Facebook.)

We live in what has been called a high tech, low touch world.  Could this lead to the decline of true fellowship?

Wait, you might say, because of the Internet and cell phones, you are more in touch with people than you ever have been.  I know that is true for me.

The question is, how deep do these contacts go?  How much do they enable you to live out the “one another” passages of Scripture which certainly are a big part of true fellowship?

We live in a world where so many people seem to be doing life on the fast track.  Could this lead to the decline of true fellowship?

But, you might say, life IS demanding.  You barely have time to invest into your own family.  How are you supposed to live out Hebrews 10:25 which says “Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing …”

The bottom line is who is in control of you.  Is it your schedule, the expectations of others, or the Lord?  Would God lead you in ways that violate His Word?

We live in a stress-filled world with all its economic woes, crime, natural disasters, and many other anxiety producing events personally or globally experienced.  Could this lead to the decline of true fellowship?

Hold on, you might say, you have enough concerns of your own.  How are you supposed to take on other people’s problems?

The reality is that the closer we get to the Day of the Lord, the more we will experience these kind of events.  Hebrews 10:25 says that we should meet together and “encourage one another” but do it “all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

We live in a world where corruption and self-centered politics is everywhere, including the church.  Could this lead to the decline of true fellowship?

Of course, you might say, you are disillusioned with the institutional church.  You expect these kinds of attitudes and ambitions in the world, but shouldn’t the church be different?  If the church is no different, why bother?

The truth is, despite all its flaws, the Church is still the beloved Bride of Christ.  To hold in contempt something He loves and designed to be His means of working to advance His kingdom today, is to be out of line with Him.  First, let’s make sure to distinguish between the “institutionalized” church and the living organism which is His true Church.  Second, let’s remember that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms” (Eph. 6:12).  Because of the tremendous impact of true fellowship, especially as we “see the Day approaching,” Satan will piggy back on any other possible cause for the decline of true fellowship.

In light of the possible causes for its decline, what can be done to restore true fellowship?  — Sounds like a topic for another post.  Until then, here are some articles and resources already on the MinTools.com site about fellowship:

True Body Life Results in Fellowship

The Church’s Purpose to Love People Is Expressed Through Fellowship

Resources to Help with Fellowship