Sometimes the message we intend to send when disciplining is not received that way because . . .
Words and actions do not match: Sometimes we will say one thing and do another … inconsistency.
Words and demeanor do not match: Our tone of voice or body language give out a message different from what we are saying … mixed messages.
Words and intent do not match: We say one thing but mean another … empty threats.
: ( Is it then any wonder behavior doesn’t change?
Then there are those words that do match our actions, demeanor, and intent but we don’t think about their effect: Frustration, anger, apathy, or disrespect are there and coming through. Even then, we could think we are merely communicating our feelings about their behavior but they might be receiving a different message like:
It’s all about the teacher, not the student. The teacher doesn’t really care about me.
It’s about putting the student in his/her place, not helping him do better. The teacher thinks I’m stupid or hopeless.
: ( Is it then any wonder behavior doesn’t change?
When you discipline, think before you speak. Examine your heart. Line up with God’s intent and focus in disciplining. Choose your words carefully. And then follow that proverbial wisdom to “say what you mean and mean what you say.”
Article on MinTools.com that could help:
Ten Things Not to Say When Disciplining
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I blew it with my words this past Sunday. I think I lost the respect of my students. Now what?
You already did the first step — acknowledgement of what you did wrong. Now think of Jesus’ teaching. He says we should seek reconciliation with those we offend (Matt. 5:23-24). Admit to your students that you were wrong in the way you reacted, let them know that you are asking God to help you do better, and are seeking their forgiveness. This in itself is a lesson to students, showing them the way we should deal with our mistakes. But, you might still need to regain their trust and respect. That is where actions come in. They will need to see you consistently respond in godly ways. And, this time, if you slip up, stop right away and ask their forgiveness. Better still, if you sense yourself heading that way, stop and pray … perhaps even with your students. No one is perfect. We all need God’s help to properly respond. It won’t hurt for your students to know you are human. What they need to see is a teacher who turns to God for power to say and do what is right. In this way you are modeling for them what to do in hard or frustrating situation.
Wow! Never thought about how our reponses teach like that. Guess there’s lots of ways we send messages to our students.
You’ve got it. The whole of our lives teaches … for good or for bad.