Getting Disillusioned People to Open Themselves to True Fellowship

June 17th, 2010

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church where it was suggested that sometimes people become disillusioned with the church and therefore seek to distance themselves.

We live in a world where corruption and self-centered politics are everywhere, including the church.  The expectation, however, is that the church should be exempt and so disillusionment comes with the resultant attitude of “why bother?”  Problems in the church, however, are nothing new.  Read through the New Testament Epistles and you will encounter a church that was far from perfect. 

The harsh reality is that we live in a fallen world.  Though redeemed, Christians still must contend with the old sin nature.  Read Romans 7 for a good description of that inner battle.  If not walking in the Spirit, Christians too can fall into temptation and live for self; hence the need for true fellowship.  We need to be spurring one another on rather than spurning one another.  We are all a work in progress.

How can we help disillusioned people want to fellowship?

  1. Do not be afraid to apologize for wrongs done in the church, to ask for forgiveness.  Worse than making a mistake is being too proud to admit it.
  2. Be patient, kind, and respectful toward them.  Criticizing them for how they feel will probably only make it worse.
  3. Be an example.  Model forgiveness and true fellowship.
  4. Teach on the role of forgiveness in relationships.
  5. Work at reconciliation and restoration among believers before irreparable damage is done (Phil. 4:2-3).  What one or two people do can affect people’s perception of the whole church.
  6. Compel them with the irresistible love of Jesus.  Let His love flow through you so much that people want more. “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:8).
  7. Don’t give up on them.  You’ll only be living up to their expectations if you do.

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Let’s Be Sensitive on Mother’s and Father’s Day

June 15th, 2010

Mothers & FathersThe scene repeats itself at churches across the land.  It’s Mother’s Day or Father’s Day and the service revolves around this parent.  Certainly we do well to honor or celebrate mothers and fathers but let’s be sensitive.

Sitting among your congregation will be men and women who:

never had children

can’t have children and ache because of it

lost a child to death

hope to yet have children

Sitting among your congregation will be people, young and old, who grieve or struggle because they:

lost their mother or father to death, some even recently

never knew their mother or father

were abused or neglected by a mother or father

are estranged from a mother or father

I know of many people who stay home on Mother’s Day or Father’s Day because of the way the church handles this holiday.  It’s too painful.  It isn’t relevant.  — How sad that they don’t feel like they’ll get anything out of gathering with the Body that day.  How sad that they don’t trust us to be sensitive enough to their situations.  How sad that they don’t seek comfort on this hurtful day among the Body of Christ but rather feel the need to retreat.

Let’s be sensitive on Mother’s and Father’s day by thinking through:

  1. how much emphasis is placed on it
  2. how things are worded
  3. how you single out people … careful not to make one look superior to the other
  4. how gifts are distributed
  5. how obvious you make it that some in your midst are not mothers or fathers

We need to be careful at the same time that we are not being fake in our representation or obvious in our inclusion of people in these different situations. 

The way to avoid that is to have a year-round environment … 

where people in all statuses and situations of life feel accepted and like they belong. 

where individuals’ life stages are acknowledged and needs are met but yet they are not segregated from the whole. 

It’s called body life … unity  … true fellowship … where we can meet with all of our differences and be better because of it.  

In this kind of environment you will have more of a tendency to simply be sensitive and not have to guard yourself on holidays like Mother’s and Father’s Day.  You will come across genuine because you are.  If this kind of environment isn’t built throughout the year, special emphasis on certain segments can make others feel like they aren’t important or that their pain will be ignored.

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Stressed Out People Need True Fellowship

June 10th, 2010

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church.  One reason might be that stressed out people feel they have enough worries of their own and don’t need to take on other people’s problems.

We do live in a stress-filled world.  Fearing that fellowship with others will further burden them, some people will isolate themselves.  What this actually shows is a lack of understanding about true fellowship. 

Scripture is filled with passages about how we are to be relating to “one another.”  The Greek word for “one another” is allelon which denotes a mutual, reciprical relating one to the other.  The goal is that we build one another up, not become a drag on each other.  “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17). 

How can we help stress-filled people step outside of themselves and into true fellowship?

  1. Teach about God’s design of the church being that of interdependence.  Emphasize that the one another passages are about a mutual, reciprical relating one with the other.  True fellowship is a two-way street.
  2. Set time limits for each person to share when breaking into smaller groups or pairs.  Signal when it should be time to switch focus onto the other person.
  3. If you have “needy” people in your small group, do not be afraid to put a cap on their sharing so they do not monopolize the time.  When you do that, however, it should come with a promise to speak one-on-one after group time if the need remains.  You do not want anyone to feel ignored.  If you allow someone to monopolize the group with their needs, it could be discouraging for others who then do not have opportunity to share.
  4. Provide other forums like support groups or one-on-one counseling for those who can’t seem to step outside of themselves enough to care about the needs of others.  Make the objective of such groups that of helping people become fully functioning members of the body, not to wallow in their problems.

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How Sad When It’s Like They Were Never There

June 8th, 2010

People come to your church, perhaps for Sunday School and/or the worship service.  Maybe they come out for a mid-week program and/or small groups.

  • How sad when they leave unchanged!
  • How sad when it’s like they were never there!

Perhaps they came with burdens that seemed too heavy to bear.  Maybe they came with a bad habit or sin they just can’t overcome.

  • How sad when they leave unchanged!
  • How sad when it’s like they were never there!

People may have come empty spiritually.  Perhaps they came never having put trust in the Lord to save them.

  • How sad when they leave unchanged!
  • How sad when it’s like they were never there!

You have probably heard it said, “Aim at nothing and you’ll hit it every time.”  As ministry leaders and teachers, we must be prayerful and purposeful in all we do to see people leaving changed and obvious that they were there.

  1. We must purposefully be the kind of leaders or teachers who make a difference.  – We must be prepared and be a model of the power of God at work in a person’s life.
  2. We must purposefully work at connecting with the whole person who walked through the door.  — We must help them know the unconditional and all-encompassing love of the Lord that reaches into every aspect of their lives.
  3. We must purposefully present God’s Word as the life changing, powerful Book it is.  – We must get them beyond head knowledge to heart knowledge that affects all they do.
  4. We must purposefully seek people’s participation in the process.  – We must encourage them to engage with truth and one another rather than be passive bystanders.

Here are tools to help:

The Aiming for Empty-less Teaching Teacher Training Session can be used with a group of teachers or small group leaders to discuss what it will take to see people leaving changed and obvious that they were there.

The article, Teaching for Changed Lives, uses an acrostic to show how people need to be changed from the inside out.

The Teaching for Changed Lives Workbook is a self-study guide encouraging teachers to set changed lives as the goal of each lesson.

The Christian Education Leadership Team Training is a session to help you get all of your Christian Education leaders working toward the same goal — that of seeing changed lives — and to understand what it will take to progressively move forward toward that goal, or to keep that “wheel” rolling.

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