The Goal: Help people cope with both the good and bad of life in a Christ-like manner.
The Challenge: Do not wait until an issue or problem becomes a crisis to step in and help. Be there for people before they take extreme measures to cope or before they reach extreme emotions in their reactions.
The Key: Provide preventative training. Prepare people for the life stages ahead of them. Teach them how to win the spiritual battles they are bound to face. Watch for signs that people are headed for trouble and provide assistance early on in the process.
The Reality: Despite your best efforts to help prevent issues and problems from getting out of hand, you will still be faced with people in crisis. Unfortunately, you will not always catch the warning signs. And, not all crises are predictable. You cannot prepare people for every possible scenario in life. And, you will not always be able to discern the deficits in people's hearts until they are faced with hardship. Troubles have a way of bringing out what is inside of a person.
When a person is in crisis, here is what you can do to help:
Accept their feelings.
Let them talk. It will help reduce or diffuse their pent-up feelings and anxieties. Give some credence to their feelings even if you feel they are unfounded. They may be perceiving things differently than you and so to them the threat is quite real. This does not mean you approve or agree with what is going on but that you acknowledge where they are in it and believe them in how it has affected them.
Avoid judgmentalism.
Even if people have brought their problems onto themselves, the last thing they need from you is condemnation. Do not add to the guilt they already feel. Keep yourself objectively focused and intent on building up rather than tearing down. Also remember to keep their words, attitudes, and actions in context. People say and do things under pressure that they wouldn't normally say and do.
Administer lots of grace.
Be patient with them. Healing can be a long process. Be forgiving. In the midst of crisis, people may say and do offensive things. You will need to give them the benefit of the doubt. Be understanding and sensitive. Initially people do not need a lot of advice. Give them space to grieve. Be kind. They may need help in coping with ordinary physical tasks.
Attempt to help them gain a realistic view of the situation.
Your role is to guide or facilitate the process of properly interpreting their situation. Do not dictate how they should think or feel. Usually what has happened is not the worse thing in the world but it sure can feel that way to them. If they have done something wrong, they need to understand God's grace and forgiveness.
Assess available resources.
They already know what is wrong and what their deficits are. Now they need to know what they have going for them. Help them discover what resources they have both spiritually and physically. If they don't personally possess what is needed, direct them to where they might find help. This will require that you have a list of referrals of people, agencies, and opportunities for developing skills or providing resources both in the church and in the community.
Acknowledge what can and can't be changed and develop a realistic plan to change what can be changed.
They may need to move in small steps but it is important that they have positive goals to give them a sense of hope. Provide lots of encouragement as they decide what can be done to affect change and then as they do it. Fear of failure could immobilize them. Do not abandon them because it looks like they are on the right track. Satan will do what he can to discourage them. Setbacks will not be uncommon. Stay alongside of them until you are sure the crisis has subsided.
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What if the person is depressed?
A basic need of someone who is depressed is to find hope. Proverbs 13:12 says "Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Help the person find hope. Often depression comes as a result of pent-up anger or guilt. Someone has said that depression is anger turned inward. Consequently, helping the person properly deal with anger or guilt may lead to the lifting of depression. There may be precipitating events, particularly loss of some sort that a person must learn to deal with. If depression persists, a physical check up should be encouraged as depression may be a result of biological factors. Depression can spiral out of control if a person allows himself to dwell on problems, to withdraw from people, and to break from routine. Help the person come up with a plan of maintaining some of the routine in his life and to accomplish certain basic tasks. Encourage them to maintain their relationship with the Lord and with others regardless of how they feel.
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What if the person is suicidal?
You need to know your obligations to the person and to the legal system. Determine at what point you need to report a suicidal threat and obtain outside help. Evaluate how lethal and detailed the plan seems to be. Assess if the person has the means of carrying it out. Take even passing comments seriously. When possible you may want to develop a pact with them wherein they are to call you first before making an attempt.
Clicking on the links below will take you to articles on other sites or to one of our affiliate bookstores. While seeking to choose sites and books that are doctrinally sound, the Ministry Tools Resource Center makes no claim to total endorsement of any listing.
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