Family Life Ministry | Christian Ministry Training Blog

But My Mother (Father) Abused Me

Posted on May 13, 2015 by Ministry Tools Resource Center

Sometimes the people who are supposed to love and care for us the most are the ones who abandon, neglect, or abuse us. The question is asked, “How do I get to the point of being able to forgive those who abused me?”

3 Suggestions for Those Abused by a Parents

I am going to make three suggestions for those abused by a parent. I trust it won’t sound too trite because it’s anything but that. Getting to the point of being able to do these suggestions is monumental when you have suffered at the hand of a parent.

1) Gain a biblical perspective.

God’s command to “honor” our parents comes without qualification. And, His Word specifically warns against scorning them (Prov. 20:20; 28:24; 30:11,17), letting us know that it is destructive for us to do so. Yet, the Bible nowhere tells us to accept abandonment, neglect, or abuse as normal or acceptable. We can “honor” them as our parents without agreeing with them or condoning what they do. Likewise, forgiving someone does not mean we agree with, condone, or even forget what they’ve done. Rather, we are not holding it against them. We are unlikely to honor them if we do not forgive them and vice versa.

2) Transfer your dependence onto the Lord.

Part of the anger and resentment we hold over these kinds of parents comes because we feel betrayed by them, the ones who were supposed to love, care for, and protect us. Accept that your parent may never be what you want or need him/her to be. Rely on the Lord to be there for you, to be the One who will meet your innermost needs. — “Though my father and mother forsake me, the LORD will receive me.” (Ps. 27:10) We will not forgive until we let go of our anger. We will not let go of our anger until we let go of our expectations.

3) Relinquish control to the Lord.

When a parent or other significant adult in our lives has harmed us in some way (physical or emotional), we tend to become self-protective. We are going to do whatever is within our power to shield ourselves. To forgive may seem like you are letting that person win, like you are relinquishing control or power to them. However, by forgiving, you are actually helping yourself become whole. You will not truly heal until you forgive. To be able to choose to forgive, you will need to turn over that control to the Lord who has promised to be there for you. That does not mean you will never need to put boundaries in place to protect yourself from the dysfunction. But, you will be doing it for healing purposes, not simply to protect yourself.

Scripture makes no exceptions on whom we are to forgive (Eph. 4:32; Col. 3:13). When we don’t forgive, it not only keeps a wedge between us and the other person but also hinders fellowship with the Lord (Matt. 6:12-15). Maybe your parent doesn’t deserve your forgiveness. Neither do any of us merit God’s forgiveness yet He went so far as to send Jesus to die for us so we could be forgiven. For the sake of the Lord and your relationship with Him, as well as your own inner healing, ask God to help you let go of your anger, bitterness, and resentment and forgive as He has forgiven you.

Families are Important, But . . .

Posted on June 22, 2011 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — 4 Comments ↓

Families are Important How important is family ministry in your church? Is it more than a fad or buzz word?

Likewise, how important is ministry to “non-family” people in your church?

Families Are Important But Also Remember These Truths

Families are important but the church consists of singles, couples without and perhaps unable to have children, older people past child rearing age, as well as families. (1 Cor. 12:14-20)

What effect does revolving the whole church around families have on all these people?
How can the church serve families without neglecting other people groups?

Families are important but the church is commissioned to reach people in general, not specifically families. (Matt. 28:19-20; Acts 1:8)

Where does a non-family person turn if the church focuses primarily on reaching families?
How can the church reach and assimilate non-family people without making them secondary?

Families are important but the church is commanded to first and foremost love God and then our neighbor (people in general). (Matt. 22:35-40)

When so much emphasis is on catering to families, how might non-family people feel in terms of their value?
How can the church provide a family-friendly atmosphere without being insensitive to the non-family people in their midst?

Families are important but the church is charged with shepherding the flock, not merely families. (1 Pet. 5:2-4)

What message do non-family people get when so much of the church’s time and resources are focused on the needs of the family?
How can the church make sure non-family members do not slip through the cracks?

The intent of this post is not to minimize the importance of family and the ways the church can help the family. At the very least, the church should . . .

Train parents to faithfully fulfill their responsibility. When, where, and how we do that is what makes the difference.

Train teachers to keep a good line of communication open between teachers and parents. Teachers keeping parents informed about what is happening in class gives parents a platform for taking it further at home. Parents keeping teachers informed about what is happening in the home gives teachers a platform for better understanding students’ needs.

The intent of this post is to challenge us not to minimize those who attend our churches who are non-family people. Let’s remember the all-inclusive nature of the church and how God uses diversity. At the very least, the church needs the following:

acknowledgement that the church consists of families AND non-family people

advancement of the cause of Christ with all people in mind

affirmation of love and value of all people regardless of their status

accountability to shepherd all who are a part of the church

The Greatest Gift a Father Can Give His Children

Posted on May 27, 2009 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — 2 Comments ↓

Father's Day Gifts — Click image to check out Gifts for Fathers at one of our affiliate stores.

When updating the Father’s Day Resources Page, I came across a couple quotes I’d like to pass along that leads to the greatest gift a father can give his children.

Quotes for Fathers Leading to the Greatest Gift a Father Can Give His Children

A Father’s Day bulletin and bookmark with the same message quotes Oswald Chambers:

“The destiny of every human being depends on his relationship to Jesus Christ. It is not on his relationship to life, or to his service or his usefulness, but simply and solely on his relationship to Jesus Christ.”

So often men tend to find their worth in achievements and how well they fulfill their roles or positions in life … like fatherhood. This quote emphasizes that what matters most is that you know Christ. That leads me to the next message I came across on another bulletin and bookmark which only makes sense if the father has that relationship with Jesus.

“The greatest gift a father can give his children is to walk in the footsteps of God.”

The father’s example will leave a much greater impact on his children than words alone could ever do. A Pass It On Card provides an acronym for what it will take:

D.A.D. – Dedicated And Devoted

When fathers are first and foremost dedicated and devoted to the Lord Jesus Christ they will be to their children what they should be. What greater gift could a father give than to be an example of someone who knows and loves the Lord?