Foundation for Family Life Ministry

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We have three holidays in the U.S. within about a month’s time that center around families — Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, and National Children’s Day. The Church can use these holidays to acknowledge, appreciate, and admonish people to live up to their God-given responsibilities in these different roles. We must also consider our responsibility as a Church for families year-round based on the biblical foundation for family life ministry. They need more than a once a year shot in the arm.

The Foundation for Family Life Ministry Starts with the Responsibility God Places on Family Members

Foundation for Family Life Ministry
God places responsibility on both children and parents so we must instruct those in both roles to heed God’s Word.

Of Children:

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother. (Eph. 6:1-3)

  • Are we helping children understand that obeying their parents isn’t just about doing what their parents want, but more importantly following God’s desires?
  • Are we encouraging children to honor parents even when they don’t feel like it?

Of Parents:

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. (Eph. 6:4)

Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. (Deut. 6:5-9)

  • Are we stressing the discipleship role of parents in nurturing their children in the ways of the Lord more than a mere caretaking role? (For Help: Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp)
  • Are we encouraging consistency between what parents say and do, emphasizing how it begins in their own hearts?

The Church’s Responsibility to Families

Rather than usurping the responsibility of parents for instructing children in the ways of the Lord, the Church should come alongside of them, training them and holding them accountable to do their God-given part. We should also challenge children to do their part, hence encouraging healthy parent-child relationships.

Family life ministry, built on the foundation God laid in His Word for families, can sometimes seem like a daunting task.

Many Christian parents find themselves so consumed in the busyness and stresses of life that they neglect this important responsibility, especially difficult if a single parent. Some parents merely send their children to church assuming we will provide all the spiritual input kids need. And, not all parents know the Lord.

Children have few role models of what it means to submit to, respect, and honor others. And, they’re receiving confusing, mixed messages about what it means to be a family today with the world saying one thing and the church another.

No matter how complex family life might seem, we do have a responsibility to both parents and children to help them understand their God-given roles and to provide encouragement and tools.

Biblical Parenting Resources
Family Life Ministry Resources

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Tips for Parents to Effectively Shepherd Their Children

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Training Category: Shepherding Ministry

Parents Shepherd their ChildrenIf we liken parents’ role to shepherding (Deut. 6:4-9; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4), then we must conclude that their responsibilities include what shepherds would do.

Check out the following:

Tips for Parents Who Want to Effectively Shepherd Their Children

Shepherds are most effective in fulfilling their responsibilities when they understand the condition of the flock (Prov. 27:23-24). The same is true with parents which might be applied as follows:

Parents must learn the personal bent of each child.

Train a child in the way he should go (according to his bent), and when he is old he will not turn from it. (Prov. 22:6)

Parents must discern what is in the heart of the child.

The purposes of a man’s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. (Prov. 20:5)

Parents must be aware of the influences the child faces.

He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm. (Prov. 13:20)

The above points are included in the Shepherding Ministry Manual that lists parenting as a shepherding venue.

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Parents’ Role of Shepherding Children

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Training Category: Shepherding Ministry

Parents Role of Shepherding ChildrenGod has given parents the primary responsibility for the spiritual nurturing of children (Deut. 6:4-9; Prov. 22:6; Eph. 6:4). The Church assists parents in this responsibility but parents are the ones to shepherd their children.

To Read: Shepherding Ministry Venue: Parenting

Resource: Shepherding a Child’s Heart DVD (link goes to an affiliate store)

What does parents’ role of shepherding their children look like when they take it seriously?

1) Parents who shepherd their children get beyond simply providing for physical needs to their emotional and social well-being but also providing for the nurture of their souls, for their spiritual well-being.

2) Parents shepherding their children work at protecting them from bad people or physical harm but also protecting them from the Evil One and a world view that leaves out God.

3) Parents who shepherd don’t focus primarily on children’s behavior but focus primary on their heart.

Resource: Parenting is Heart Work (link goes to an affiliate store)

4) Parents who are shepherds move beyond merely telling children what they should do to showing them how through their own example.

The Shepherding Ministry Manual includes some information about parenting as a shepherding ministry venue. The above points are included in it.

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Family Ministry: 3 Keys

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The exact structure you use for family ministry is not what really matters. You might have a well-organized, obvious family ministry or one that’s there but more behind-the-scenes. The right plan is what is tailored to your setting and resources, born out of prayer.

Whatever your strategy, though, you will be most effective when you implement these three keys:

Keys to Family Ministry
(Click to enlarge image in Pinterest & repin.)

Key #1: Consistency in Family Ministry

Training, support, and encouragement given to families must be more than an occasional shot in the arm to be most effective. People need repeated exposure to truths that apply to family life. We’re talking about on-going, practical help. What that looks like could vary based on your setting. Perhaps a combination of approaches could best facilitate consistency, possibly increasing the potential for reaching more families than one way alone wouldhdo. Here are some ideas:

  • mentoring relationships

Check out resources under the mentoring tab at: Resources for Discipleship & Shepherding Ministry

  • newsletter or e-mail providing short tips on a regular basis
  • parent support groups
  • pass on links to helpful online articles or resources
  • resource center or library stocked with books and DVDs parents and families can borrow

You can find some resources listed at these pages:

Family Ministry Resources
Biblical Parenting Resources

  • retreats
  • seminars (hosted in-house or attended elsewhere)
  • studies in Sunday School or small groups

You can find some curriculum and studies ideas under the training tab at: Biblical Parenting Resources

Key #2: Communication in Family Ministry

When Bible teachers and children and youth ministry leaders make an intentional effort to communicate with parents, the children benefit. Here’s why:

1) Teachers learn about what’s happening in their students’ lives. This increases their understanding of behavior and needs.

Teacher Training Tool: Without a Good Parent-Teacher Relationship Worksheet Download

2) Parents learn about what’s happening in the classroom and what their children are learning. This gives parents something to build upon throughout the week.

Key #3: Coordination in Family Ministry

Imagine what would happen if Bible teachers not only made an effort to increase communication with parents but if both the parents and the church used the same approach in training and disciplining children. That begins by focusing on the same goal and follows through in using similar means to get there. And, it will involve training parents, Bible teachers, and children’s and youth ministry workers accordingly.

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Family Ministry: Content Matters

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In a previous post I dared to suggest that family ministry is not the solution to what’s wrong with families today. We need to be careful that we aren’t merely trying to fix the symptoms of a greater problem. This is not to say that the church abandon family ministry. The key is that we get to the core and not merely address symptoms. We must be discipling and equipping people with the right emphasis. First is that they be fully devoted followers of Jesus who love the Lord with all of who they are, living in accordance with His Word and lining up all they do with His character and ways. Then, in family ministry it becomes about applying who they are in Christ to their role in the family. With this emphasis, people become more and more the parents they should be. And, they approach family life with the same focus — the heart.

In essence, then, family ministry must be rooted in the right message. Content matters.

It isn’t just about providing sermons, seminars, small group studies, etc. on all sorts of parenting skills and tactics. We need to carefully and strategically choose materials with the message that lines up with what matters to God — the heart. Reflect on these verses:

The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart. (1 Sam. 16:7)

Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. (Prov. 4:23)

You can find plenty of parenting help out there that focuses on behavior modification. But, is that going to equip parents to disciple their children in ways that teach them to love and revere the Lord? Is that going to teach them to honor their parents and other family members out of love for God and one another? Content matters.

Shepherding a Child's HeartCheck out the Shepherding a Children’s Heart DVD Curriculum in one of our affiliate stores.

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Family Ministry: Church Solutions

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Family Under AttackCollapse of the family. Families under assault. We hear this being said. We see it.

What’s a Church to do?

I’ve seen churches at both ends of the spectrum:

1) Some say the family is broken. We must fix it.

This line of thinking could be reflected by:

  • all, or most all, programming revolving around the family
  • seeking to fill in the gaps through the church’s children’s and youth ministry

2) Others say the family is broken. We can’t fix it.

This line of thinking could be the result of:

  • a sense of hopelessness and despair about how overwhelming of a task it is; a feeling like there isn’t much we can do
  • an underlying belief that it isn’t the church’s responsibility but rather biblically it’s the parents’ responsibility to nurture the family; little effort put into reaching the family

Arriving at Biblical Church Solutions to Family Ministry

Whenever determining a biblical solution to any kind of problem, we must consider the whole of Scripture rather than building our conclusions of select passages. Here are a few points to consider:

1) We must remember that while the Church consists of families, the true Church is the coming together of individual believers from all walks of life, those who have personally put their faith in our Lord Jesus (Jn. 1:12-13; Eph. 2:11-22). Some will be parents. Some will be members of a family who attend. But, some will be single adults who never married. Some will be married couples without families. Some will be widows and widowers well past the child-rearing time of their lives. To revolve all, or most, programming around family or to regularly preach about family matters, is to potentially neglect or isolate others in the Body. We must be considerate and concerned about all (1 Cor. 12:14-27).

2) Yet, we must take into account the importance God places on family. In the beginning God determined it was not good for man to be alone so He made woman for companionship but also for procreation, to be fruitful and multiply (Gen. 1-2). God commands parents to instruct their children in the ways of the Lord, giving guidelines for healthy family dynamics, early on in the Old Testament as well as in the New Testament (Deut. 6:4-9; Eph. 5:21-6:4; Col. 3:18-21). We should also note that among the qualifications for church leadership we find listed how well they manage their families (1 Tim. 3). We must conclude that family is important to God.

3) We must also note God’s design for the Church to be equipping people to live for Him, to do their part, whether that be in their families, church, workplaces, neighborhoods, or wherever they may be. In Ephesians 4:11-12 we read that God placed gifted leaders and teachers in the church “to equip his people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up.”

To apply all of these points to the dilemma about family ministry, we obviously can’t take a hands-off, give up, sort of approach. Yet, neither should we swing the pendulum so far in the opposite direction that we obsess on family. Perhaps we should be focusing on equipping believers in a way that prepares them to take on whatever responsibility they have in life. Ask these questions:

– Are we teaching people to fear the Lord?

The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding. (Prov. 9:10)

…. If people aren’t getting a good sense of who God is, why should they do family His way? Isn’t His wisdom what needs to be applied to family life?

– Are we teaching people to value and apply God’s Word?

All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. (2 Tim. 3:16-17)

…. If people aren’t grasping the authority and power of God’s Word, what standard will they use in parenting, in determining family life? Isn’t the Word the parenting and family life manual they need?

– Are we teaching people to love the Lord with all of who they are and to love their neighbor?

Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matt. 22:37-39)

…. If people aren’t learning to love, where will they get the motivation to be selfless and honoring among family? Isn’t the nurturing of family to begin in the heart of the parent according to Deuteronomy 6:5-9?

If all we do is teach people parenting skills, we are failing them. If all we do is coach families on how to get along, we are failing them. Jesus gave us the mission of going and making disciples, “teaching them to obey EVERYTHING” He commanded (Matt. 28:19-20) — the “first and greatest commandment” He identified as loving “the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind” (Matt. 22:37-38).

Perhaps if the Church sufficiently focused on this purpose and mission, rather than how to fix, or not fix, specific problems, then we’d have a church whose families are healthier. Perhaps what we are seeing are symptoms of a greater problem.

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