Things go wrong in life, even in ministry. Within a group of people we may encounter a variety of reactions to the same event — pessimism, optimism, apathy, projection. We may also find realistic reactions.
An Assessment of Realistic Reactions
When something goes wrong, people with realistic reactions acknowledge the truth of the situation and their feelings and then move on to acceptance. That doesn’t mean they like or agree with what’s happened. They just don’t let it pull them down or consume them. They learn what they can from the situation and adapt.
At first glance, this kind of reaction sounds mentally and emotionally healthy. Is it spiritually healthy? That depends on the lens through which we filter the situation and our feelings. A humanistic approach relies on human reasoning and ability which comes with limitations. When, however, we use the lens of God’s character and ways, we have the wisdom and strength we need goes to a higher level. His ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours (Isa. 55:9).
If you want a truly healthy reaction to trials and hardships, then begin by praying similar to David of the Old Testament. — Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Ps. 61:1-2)
Viewing Reality Through a God Filter When Things Go Wrong
A realistic reaction …
differs from sheer optimism wherein we ignore the ugliness of our situation and feelings. We’re honest about our circumstances and feelings, knowing that it can be well with our souls even when life isn’t because of the One who works all things for the good in our lives (Rom. 8:28).
keeps pessimism at bay when circumstances don’t change and hurt continues. It accepts the reality that we won’t always immediately see the good in our situations (1 Cor. 15:58; Gal. 6:9; Heb. 12:1-3). You “know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” and so we “let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).
doesn’t seek to avoid pain through apathy. It acknowledges that life isn’t always good, and it doesn’t always feel good, but God is good (Ps. 34:8). That reality provides confidence and hope in facing life as it is.
acknowledges that projecting our feelings on others tends to make things worse, not better. It recognizes the need to guard how we handle our feelings when bad things happen, letting vengeance in God’s hands (Rom. 12:19).
(Click on the above links for posts about those kinds of reactions.)
A realistic reaction comes when we find the “but” in our situation. Things are bad but “God has something in it for me. I will trust Him.”
Look at Isaiah 40:30-31. “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Think of Jesus’ words to His disciples. He said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Jn. 16:33).
Also look at the words of the psalmist who said, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps. 73:26)
A realistic reaction let’s God be God. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus acknowledged the agony of His situation and preference not to suffer. He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” How good for us that He didn’t end there. He went on to pray, “yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39). — Do God’s glory and purposes matter more to us than our comfort?
Like “let God be God”
That’s the big part of life in Him, trusting that God can do the impossible, but accepting that He may not because He has higher purposes that we just don’t see, or that are yet to come. In addition to the example of Jesus in the Garden, we can point to Esther who courageously went before the king unsummoned. She said, “if I perish, I perish” (Est. 4:16). Then there’s Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego who refused to bow to the king’s image despite threat of being thrown into a furnace. They said, “If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand. But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up” (Dan. 3:16-18).