Something has gone wrong. We can try to remain optimistic or maybe find it easier to fall into pessimism. Tired of struggling with those options, we may choose apathy instead. Or, we may go the route of projecting our reactions onto others. It may make us feel better to be able to point the finger at someone. We project how we feel about the situation onto others, casting blame, even if they don’t deserve it.
At the Root of a Need to Project
When we hurt or strongly disagree with what went wrong, we may feel somebody has to pay for what happened. Driven by anger, maybe even hatred, we view vengeance as the solution. We identify someone as the primary cause of the problem and let them have it, at least verbally. Some may not outwardly project their feelings, but inwardly cast blame, holding a grudge or losing hope in any future involvement or cooperation with the person(s). Basically it boils down to an inner drive to make somebody hurt for what went wrong to alleviate our own pain.
God’s Reaction to This Kind of Projecting When Things Go Wrong
To those who feel the need to make people pay for what’s happened, let God’s own words sink into your heart:
Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” … keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. (1 Pet. 3:9-17)
Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:17-21)
Alternative to Projection of Hurts onto Others
Begin by casting it on the Lord (1 Pet. 5:7). Put it in His hands. Trust a just God to take care of it. Seeking His justice subdues our need for revenge. And, remember that He sees the big picture, so let Him be God. He knows what’s needed. His timing is best.
Rather than retaliate, choose love, mercy, and grace. That choice helps us properly handle the anger we feel. Notice that according to God’s Word, anger itself may not always be wrong. It’s what we do with it that matters. — “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph. 4:26-27)
Hanging onto our anger, rather than properly dealing with it, leads to projecting it onto others. And so, we read, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)
This may seem like a difficult, daunting alternative when hurting. Remember, however, that we aren’t on our own, as followers of Jesus, to redirect the pain and anger.
Keep reminding yourself of this truth: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13, NKJV)