Category Archives: Fellowship – Unity

Anyone who has served on an elder board or ministry team knows that we don’t always agree with one another about the best course of action. Ideally all decisions would be born out of prayer, and we would all get on the same page. But, we’re humans who don’t always walk in the Spirit and who come together from a variety of backgrounds and personalities with preconceived ideas and ways of doing things. It only takes one person in a group to be out of sync to head disagreements down a destructive path. We may be tempted to apply a quick solution to shut down the disagreement rather than seek for real change.

The Objective Will Determine if We Seek Real Change or Apply a Quick Solution

If our objective is to please everyone, we’ll want to do whatever it takes to keep peace. It seems like a quick fix to compromise or cover over key issues. That’s what we tend to do if our goal is to keep people happy.

When our objective is to come out better on the other end, we seek to learn from each other. We look for unity out of diversity. We want peace that comes from the heart not that which is insincere or manipulative (Rom. 12:16-21; 14:17-19; Phil. 2:1-2).

Results of Our Approach to Settling Disagreements

Quick solutions to appease people end up putting their concerns above God’s. We’ll probably find ourselves compromising where we shouldn’t. The Apostle Paul concluded, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” (Gal. 1:10). Doing what it takes to arrive at the best solution is often set aside in order to keep people happy.

When we pursue real change, we help people learn what it means to seek the common good which might require setting aside personal preferences for what is best (Phil. 2:1-4). We plead with one another to be of “the same mind in the Lord” (Phil. 4:1-2). It’s about finding unity by getting on page with God, not by appeasing one another (Eph. 2:17-22). It’s about having “the same mindset as Christ Jesus” (Phil. 2:5). When that happens, God is glorified (Rom. 15:5-6).

More for Church Leaders: Conflict Management

Some churches would identify themselves as a friendly church while visitors say otherwise. The discrepancy comes, in large part, from the criteria being used.

Criteria Some Use to Claim Their Church is Inviting and Friendly

Some think that because they have helpful parking lot attendants and greeters at the door, people’s first impressions must be that this is a friendly church. Maybe they have a welcome center and/or kiosk stations to take away some discomfort of people not knowing what to do or where to go. To make people feel even more welcome, they’ll have a designated time to greet one another in the service. To provide time to get to know people better, they may even add a coffee hour or shop and/or a hospitality room or fellowship hall to meet and greet.

These Factors Alone Don’t Give Off the Impression of a Friendly Church

We may see nothing wrong with the above strategies in and of themselves. These acts of hospitality can be quite helpful. But, programmed acts of kindness should never be a substitute for real body life that leads to spontaneous acts of friendship that come from the heart.

God designed the Church to function with everybody doing their part (Eph. 4:16) to make everyone feel welcomed, loved, and accepted as seen in so many of the “one another” commands of Scripture (Rom. 12:5, 10; 13:8; 15:7; 16:16; 1 Cor. 12:25; Eph. 4:32; 1 Pet. 4:9). When we are who we should be as a church, His Body, we will relate with people in ways that make them feel like they belong.

A Better Criteria to Determine Friendliness

So, let’s look through our tactics again and see what also needs to be there for a truly friendly church.

Helpful Parking Lot Attendants?

What about members who give you the right of way or let you back out of your parking spot without an attendant having to tell them to?

Greeters at the Door?

What about an awareness of people’s presence throughout their visit, not just when they arrive … like people making eye contact and saying “hello” as they walk the halls rather than look right through you?

Welcome Center?

What about members who are not on the hospitality committee coming up to a visitor and helping them find their way?

Kiosk Stations?

What about going to people and personally inviting them to get involved rather than expecting them to always take the first step?

Designated Time to Greet One Another in the Service?

What about members greeting people outside of their normal circle of friends before and after the service without having to be told to greet one another?

A Coffee Hour or Coffee Shop?

What about a body who is able to stay and mingle without the coffee incentive?

Hospitality Rooms & Fellowship Halls to Meet and Greet?

What about churches who make it hard for people not making their way to these rooms to slip out the door unnoticed … without at least a few people greeting them before they leave?

Seriously, who wouldn’t rate churches with spontaneous acts of kindness, helpfulness, and hospitality by its various members as the most friendly churches? Programmed strategies should only be seen as a starting point. Spontaneous acts of friendship make the real difference.

Are you doing your part to make people feel truly welcomed?

The Greek word used in the Bible for fellowship, koinonia, means the sharing of what we have in common (koinos). Our life in Jesus Christ brings us together as that which we share in common, superseding all of our differences. But how do we share, or participate, in that common life? There are at least four biblical ways to fellowship with one another.

Four Biblical Ways to Fellowship with One Another

If we look at Bible verses where koinonia appears, we find the process of fellowshipping with one another.

1) Celebrate together what Jesus has done for us through the Lord’s Supper, also known as Holy Communion.

Is not the cup of thanksgiving for which we give thanks a participation (koinonia) in the blood of Christ? And is not the bread that we break a participation (koinonia) in the body of Christ? (1 Cor. 10:16)

2) Contribute materially to the needs of one another.

For Macedonia and Achaia were pleased to make a contribution (koinonia) for the poor among the Lord’s people in Jerusalem. (Rom. 15:26)

For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing (koinonia) in this service to the Lord’s people. (2 Cor. 8:3-4)

3) Communicate about God’s work in each other’s lives.

that the sharing (koinonia) of your faith may become effective by the acknowledgment of every good thing which is in you in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 1:6)

4) Connect with one another in sharing the whole of our lives on a regular basis, engaging in true community.

They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship (koinonia), to the breaking of bread and to prayer. … All the believers were together and had everything in common (koinos). … (Acts 2:42-47)

All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared (koinos) everything they had. … (Acts 4:32-35)

You’ll find these processes of fellowshipping listed in the Church Purpose Manual which looks at fellowship as one of the ways to fulfill our purpose to love people. It also considers other ways to live our our purpose to love God and people.

For More: Fellowship Resources

No matter what we’re involved in, sooner or later, somebody will make a mistake. We might like to think we’re the exception but we too will do something that should have been handled differently, say something we shouldn’t have said, overlook something or someone we should have seen. Everybody makes mistakes, including you and me.

Life in the Church is no different. We are a group of diverse human beings coming together, though saved by grace, still human. That means we don’t know all, see all, and can’t do everything. The pastor will make mistakes. Ministry leaders will not get everything right. And, you and I will make mistakes too especially if we’re involved in ministry.

We do have access to a God who does know all, see all, and can do everything. We can learn the right way in His Word. We can pray for wisdom and strength. Yet, we’re all a work in progress (Phil. 3:12) so there will be times we might lean on our own understanding or on occasions we’ll plow forward without waiting on God.

Since Everybody Makes Mistakes, How About a Little Grace?

God, who makes no mistakes, being perfect in all He does, extends grace. And, we’re not talking about a little grace but rather grace upon grace (Jn. 1:16). Also, His grace extends to outright sin we commit against Him, not just minor lapses in judgment.

The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. (Ps. 103:8-14)

Many church conflicts and splits could have been avoided if people had just extended a little grace toward someone they perceived to have made a mistake. And, it would have been easier for people to exercise that grace had those at fault handled their mistakes with humility, grace, wisdom, and understanding.

Let’s all ask God to search our hearts (Ps. 139:23-24), whether or not we’re the person making the mistake, to see if we’re extending grace. Remember, everybody makes mistakes.

• How will you react to mistakes others make?
• How will you handle mistakes you make?

Fellowship, koinonia, relates to sharing what we have in common, which is our life in Christ. God’s Word provides reasons we should prioritize such community with one another and it also gives results of making fellowship a priority.

3 Biblical Results of Making Fellowship a Priority

1) We have unity among believers when we base it on what we have in common in Christ.

… if any common sharing (koinonia) in the Spirit … then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. (Phil. 2:1-2)

2) We develop gratitude and a genuine love and concern for one another that leads us to pray for them.

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership (koinonia) in the gospel … (Phil. 1:3-8)

3) That love for one another makes us a more effective witness to the world around us.

By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another. (Jn. 13:35)

These results are listed in the Church Purpose Ministry Manual which looks at fellowship as one of the ways we fulfill our purpose to love people. The manual also provides some questions to reflect on about how you are doing at making fellowship a priority.

Learn More: Resources for Fellowship