Christian Ministry Training Blog

Things go wrong in life, even in ministry. Within a group of people we may encounter a variety of reactions to the same event — pessimism, optimism, apathy, projection. We may also find realistic reactions.

An Assessment of Realistic Reactions

When something goes wrong, people with realistic reactions acknowledge the truth of the situation and their feelings and then move on to acceptance. That doesn’t mean they like or agree with what’s happened. They just don’t let it pull them down or consume them. They learn what they can from the situation and adapt.

At first glance, this kind of reaction sounds mentally and emotionally healthy. Is it spiritually healthy? That depends on the lens through which we filter the situation and our feelings. A humanistic approach relies on human reasoning and ability which comes with limitations. When, however, we use the lens of God’s character and ways, we have the wisdom and strength we need goes to a higher level. His ways and thoughts are so much higher than ours (Isa. 55:9).

If you want a truly healthy reaction to trials and hardships, then begin by praying similar to David of the Old Testament. — Hear my cry, O God; listen to my prayer. From the ends of the earth I call to you, I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I. (Ps. 61:1-2)

Viewing Reality Through a God Filter When Things Go Wrong

A realistic reaction …

differs from sheer optimism wherein we ignore the ugliness of our situation and feelings. We’re honest about our circumstances and feelings, knowing that it can be well with our souls even when life isn’t because of the One who works all things for the good in our lives (Rom. 8:28).

keeps pessimism at bay when circumstances don’t change and hurt continues. It accepts the reality that we won’t always immediately see the good in our situations (1 Cor. 15:58; Gal. 6:9; Heb. 12:1-3). You “know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance” and so we “let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” (James 1:2-4).

doesn’t seek to avoid pain through apathy. It acknowledges that life isn’t always good, and it doesn’t always feel good, but God is good (Ps. 34:8). That reality provides confidence and hope in facing life as it is.

acknowledges that projecting our feelings on others tends to make things worse, not better. It recognizes the need to guard how we handle our feelings when bad things happen, letting vengeance in God’s hands (Rom. 12:19).

(Click on the above links for posts about those kinds of reactions.)

A realistic reaction comes when we find the “but” in our situation. Things are bad but “God has something in it for me. I will trust Him.”

Look at Isaiah 40:30-31. “Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Think of Jesus’ words to His disciples. He said, “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (Jn. 16:33).

Also look at the words of the psalmist who said, “My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” (Ps. 73:26)

A realistic reaction let’s God be God. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus acknowledged the agony of His situation and preference not to suffer. He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me.” How good for us that He didn’t end there. He went on to pray, “yet not as I will, but as you will” (Matt. 26:39). — Do God’s glory and purposes matter more to us than our comfort?

Something has gone wrong. We can try to remain optimistic or maybe find it easier to fall into pessimism. Tired of struggling with those options, we may choose apathy instead. Or, we may go the route of projecting our reactions onto others. It may make us feel better to be able to point the finger at someone. We project how we feel about the situation onto others, casting blame, even if they don’t deserve it.

At the Root of a Need to Project

When we hurt or strongly disagree with what went wrong, we may feel somebody has to pay for what happened. Driven by anger, maybe even hatred, we view vengeance as the solution. We identify someone as the primary cause of the problem and let them have it, at least verbally. Some may not outwardly project their feelings, but inwardly cast blame, holding a grudge or losing hope in any future involvement or cooperation with the person(s). Basically it boils down to an inner drive to make somebody hurt for what went wrong to alleviate our own pain.

God’s Reaction to This Kind of Projecting When Things Go Wrong

To those who feel the need to make people pay for what’s happened, let God’s own words sink into your heart:

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, “Whoever would love life and see good days must keep their tongue from evil and their lips from deceitful speech. They must turn from evil and do good; they must seek peace and pursue it.” … keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. For it is better, if it is God’s will, to suffer for doing good than for doing evil. (1 Pet. 3:9-17)

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:17-21)

Alternative to Projection of Hurts onto Others

Begin by casting it on the Lord (1 Pet. 5:7). Put it in His hands. Trust a just God to take care of it. Seeking His justice subdues our need for revenge. And, remember that He sees the big picture, so let Him be God. He knows what’s needed. His timing is best.

Rather than retaliate, choose love, mercy, and grace. That choice helps us properly handle the anger we feel. Notice that according to God’s Word, anger itself may not always be wrong. It’s what we do with it that matters. — “In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Eph. 4:26-27)

Hanging onto our anger, rather than properly dealing with it, leads to projecting it onto others. And so, we read, “Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Eph. 4:31-32)

This may seem like a difficult, daunting alternative when hurting. Remember, however, that we aren’t on our own, as followers of Jesus, to redirect the pain and anger.

Keep reminding yourself of this truth: “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” (Phil. 4:13, NKJV)

When troubles come some people get pessimistic while others exude optimism. Then there are those with apathetic reactions. When things go wrong, they shrug it off. Who cares? They can’t do anything about it anyway. What does it matter?

At the Core of an Apathetic Reaction When Things Go Wrong

An apathetic reaction at best can be a defense mechanism wherein we pretend we don’t care in order to cover up the pain. We put up walls to protect ourselves from further angst. If we convince ourselves it doesn’t matter, we won’t have to feel the pain. We think we can simply ignore it and push through.

At worst, apathy is a heart condition wherein people abort their trust in a sovereign God. “How could a good God allow this to happen?”, they ask. These may be people who once claimed to be Christians but turned agnostic or atheistic in response to negative circumstances that they had a hard time reconciling. They claim not to care about or need God anymore.

Apathy Solves Nothing

Revelation 3:14-22 describes the church in Laodicea as lukewarm, neither hot nor cold — apathetic. They saw themselves as self-sufficient. God said, “But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked.”

Self-protective measures, like apathy, will fall short. Sooner or later, it may all come crashing down on us. Only God can truly protect us in ways that matter.

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Ps. 32:7)

My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. (Ps. 121:2)

Turning from God, acting like we’re self-sufficient and know better than Him, leaves us with an even deeper hole. Only God has the answers.

As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. (Ps. 18:30)

It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. (Ps. 18:32

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. (Isa. 40:28)

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgments, and his paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? (Rom. 11:33-34)

The Antidote for Apathy

Remember the God who saved you. The Christian life isn’t about you or anyone else, nor is it about how good life seems. It’s about the Lord who loved you enough to die for you. If He was willing to do that, certainly He will be there for you when things go wrong. Trust Him when He says “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him” (Rom. 8:28). Nothing or no one can separate you from His love (Rom. 8:31-39). The one who lacks faith … and love (signs of apathy) “is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins” (2 Pet. 1:9).

Remember the power and promises of this God who loves you and saved you. God doesn’t leave us on our own to figure it out. “His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.” (2 Pet. 1:3-4)

If you sense apathy within you, ask this of God: “Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.” (Ps. 51:12)

Some can get pessimistic when suffering and trials come their way. Others go to the other end of the spectrum with optimistic reactions. They might be described as people who see the cup as half full rather than half empty. On the surface, optimism sounds like the right response for Christians when things go wrong. God exhorts us to “rejoice always” and “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:16-18) so how can we fault optimism?

A Deeper Look at Optimistic Reactions When Things Go Wrong

God does want us to go through life as joyful, thankful people. That doesn’t mean, however, that we always view life as rosy and problem-free. Even Jesus acknowledged that “in this world you will have trouble” (Jn. 16:33). If by optimism we’re saying life is great, no matter what, that’s not true. We live in a world affected by the consequences of sin.

Consider Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane as he agonized over what laid ahead for Him. He even told His disciples, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death” (Matt. 26:38). Jesus, being fully God yet human, wasn’t happy about suffering. He prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me” (Matt. 26:39-44). Yet “for the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame” (Heb. 12:2).

An Alternative to Optimism

Optimism that ignores or denies reality isn’t the rejoicing God wants for us. Rather, true joy is a heart condition that sings “it is well with my soul” even “when sorrows like sea billows roll” or “though Satan should buffet” or “though trials should come” (words from old hymn written after the author’s four daughters died in a sinking ship).

God wants us to be honest with Him about our situation, to pour out our hearts to Him (Ps. 62:8). When we do, we find refuge in Him that enables us to rise above our circumstances, having joy and gratitude in our hearts because no matter what, we have Him. We cast our anxiety on Him because He cares for us (1 Pet. 5:7). He promises to sustain us (Ps. 55:22) and give us His peace “which transcends all understanding” when we cast it all on Him (Phil. 4:6-7). We’re then in a place to be able to honestly say, “it is well with my soul” no matter how hard life may seem.

We need to be real, like Jesus in the Garden. Who enjoys suffering? Also like Jesus, we must get to the point where we say, “Yet not as I will, but as you will … if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done” (Matt. 26:39-42). Jesus acknowledged the bigger picture, the greater good God would bring about, through His suffering. So, “for the joy set before him He endured the cross, scorning its shame” (Heb. 12:2).

It’s about trusting in God at all times (Ps. 62:8). He is faithful and true, sovereign and totally capable to see us through. He is also gracious and merciful and willing to forgive. Our circumstances may seem unbearable, but He is enough. That’s not merely an optimistic reaction but rather a heartfelt conviction.

Let’s face it. Life can be filled with problems. Even ministry doesn’t always go as expected. People who fall into a pessimistic reaction when things go wrong are said to look at the cup as half empty, whereas the optimist would view the cup as half full. This post considers the effects of pessimism. The next post will look at optimistic reactions.

At the Heart of a Pessimistic Reaction

Pessimism fails to see the good God can bring out of even negative, adverse circumstances (Rom. 8:28). The psalmist said, “I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living” (Ps. 27:13).

King David certainly had a lot gone wrong that could have led to despair — evildoers coming upon him (v. 2), a host encamped upon him (v. 3), war against him (v. 3), feeling forsaken (v. 10), and more.

What we believe about God will affect our reaction when things go wrong. If in our heart of hearts we don’t really believe God is always good, it will be easy to fall into despair, to become pessimistic. We can say God is good but not truly believe it in our hearts. If we find ourselves grumbling, complaining, and bemoaning our lives, our hearts undoubtedly lack confidence in the goodness of the Lord “for the mouth speaks what the heart is full of” (Lk. 6:45).

The Antidote for Pessimism

We must accept the reality that we won’t always immediately see the good in our situations. Think of Jesus’ disciples after His crucifixion. On the third day, however, He arose from the dead. Jesus could have avoided putting His disciples through a period of grief but He knew a better day was coming because of His death. Not only did His death and resurrection bring salvation to the world but also the Holy Spirit to come and not only be with the disciples but in them (Jn. 14:17).

Go back to David of the Old Testament. He understood the reality that we don’t always see God’s goodness immediately. After expressing how he would have despaired if he hadn’t believe he’d see the goodness of the Lord, he said, “Wait for the Lord. Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord.” (Ps. 27:14)