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What Do You Think About Your Pastor?

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October is National Clergy Appreciation Month in the U.S. with the second Sunday of the month being Clergy Appreciation Day (perhaps also known as Pastor Appreciation Day or Ministry Appreciation Day).

If we were to take a poll asking people what they think about their pastors, we’d probably get a mixed review . . .

from quite happy to very disgruntled with the pastor.

The reasons behind those responses would vary, even if people marked the same level of satisfaction.  Some would be reporting objectively while others subjectively.  Hence, some could be based on reality and some on false perceptions.  Personal preferences and biases can enter in.

How God Encourages Us to Respond in Terms of Pastor Appreciation

We need to acknowledge how we think and feel. But, even more importantly, we need to determine how God wants us to respond no matter where we fall on the spectrum of “quite happy to very disgruntled” with the pastor.

A verse often used for Pastor Appreciation Day is 1 Thessalonians 5:12

Now we ask you, brothers, to respect those who work hard among you, who are over you in the Lord and who admonish you. Hold them in the highest regard in love because of their work.

But, where does that leave those of you on the more disgruntled side … especially those who are basing your perception on reality because the pastor truly isn’t doing a good job or has made a series of poor choices?  Let’s keep going in 1 Thessalonians 5 to verses 13 – 18.

  1. Live in peace with each other.
  2. … warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
  3. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else.
  4. Be joyful always.
  5. Pray continually.
  6. Give thanks in all circumstances.

… for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

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16 Replies to “What Do You Think About Your Pastor?”

  1. I adore my Pastor but he was stricken with a stroke last year within the same month my families home burned down and we lost everything, so in the midst of everything our Pastor’ s wife has become sort of a changed person with some negativity and demands that she previously did not hold values this way. So, my family feels a dedication to them while I am not so intrigued anymore but I do also feel obligated to remain true to the Pastor. I am in some leadership positions feeling pressured to stay because I feel like necessary glue in a sense as many people have left the church once this happened.
    It’ s a rough road as I was recently also diagnosed with a rare condition and an upcoming surgery I will still have to temporarily step down and feeling bad about it but also feel it’s necessary. Much needed are prayers for our church and leaders who feel extra burdened.

    • When so much is going on, it is hard to maintain perspective. It is easy to turn inward and just give up trying to be there for others. I praise God for the level of devotion you and you family, as well as others in the church, are exhibiting. Romans 12:10 exhorts us to “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.” The best way to continue on, especially in dire circumstances, is to also “Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful” (Col. 4:2). God’s grace is sufficient. God’s power is available. When we lean in on Him and submit to His purposes, we can then find ourselves thankful despite the circumstances because we can know that He is bringing about a greater good.

      I will most certainly pray for you with your upcoming surgery and the church situation, as well as for the church and leaders. May God be glorified in your midst! — Phyllis

  2. What do I do if my pastor has suddenly become distant. No eye contact No conversations No hugs or pats on the backs that I’m normally use too?

    • Heather, I’m sure you are feeling some hurt and confusion due to the change you described in your pastor. The question to begin with is whether it is only with you that this is happening or if he has become like this with other people as well. If it only seems to be you, then there’s apparently been some sort of offense that needs to be talked about. Whether real or perceived, it’s important to seek reconciliation. If you observe this change toward everyone, then it is very likely that something hurtful or threatening has happened within the church or his personal life that you aren’t aware of that is causing such a self-protective reaction.

      Either way, be sure to pray, pray, and pray some more for reconciliation and healing. Prayerfully consider meeting with your pastor to discuss your observations. Your pastor may not be at liberty to share specifics with you but you can still pray for and encourage your pastor. Sadly pastors can feel very alone when going through something. You can be supportive in a lot of ways without needing to know what’s wrong. I will take a moment now to pray for your pastor and you and your church.

  3. I had my son ask him if he could meet with me after this up coming service and he said he would. He said we could talk privately in the sanctuary. Thing is, I’m not sure how to start my question?

    • Heather, let me suggest that rather than start with “why” questions, you simply make observations and express your concern. Then pause long enough to give your pastor opportunity to respond. Be sure to take time to pray and pray some more that God gives you wisdom on where to go from there. You may not even have to ask a lot of questions.

  4. I’m going to take your advice. By starting out letting the pastor know what I’ve been observing and ask him if I have in anyway caused that to happen.

    • Heather, walking into the unknown can be rather unnerving. You don’t know how your pastor will react or what will be said. Let me share a couple passages from God’s Word:

      Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. (1 Pet. 5:7-8)

      Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)

  5. So should I let him know what I’ve noticed since we’ve moved into the new church and compare it to the old one? Then let him know my feelings?

    • If that seems to be the turning point, Heather, then that might be where to begin. Letting him know how it makes you feel could be good but you might want to let your pastor have opportunity to respond before you move on to your feelings. Perhaps he’ll shed some understanding that could affect how you feel. Certainly be honest with him but remember to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).

  6. Okay that sounds a good way to get everything out in the open. I love my Pastor with my whole heart. He’s not just a Pastor he’s a teacher and a mentor. And I’m going to start going to church twice a week so I don’t want to do anything that could damage my relationship with him.

    • Praise God for the appreciation and love you have for your pastor. The most loving thing to do is to kindly and graciously speak with him about your concerns.

  7. I finally sat down with him this past Wednesday and got everything out in the open. And it went even better than I expected. Thank You for the help. I wrote him a letter talked to him and sent an email thanking him for everything. What a blessing it turned out to be.