Becoming secure in the Lord is a process of learning to rely more and more on the love and grace of God in our lives. Knowing in our heads that God loves us is one thing but relying on that love is another. According to 1 John 4:16 we must do both. –“And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.” A couple of verses later we read why this is so important to our confidence and security. — “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” (1 Jn. 4:18)
Tied into that is an understanding that our identity and confidence comes from Him and not our own abilities. Created in the image and likeness of God, we have an inherent worth as the highest of God’s created beings. We are “fearfully and wonderfully made” (Ps. 139:14). God’s loving thoughts toward us are too numerous to count (Ps. 139:17-18). God values us so much He sent His Son Jesus to die for us so we can be in a close relationship with Him. The sin that mars us is covered over by the precious blood of Jesus so that when God looks at us, He sees His Son’s righteousness and not all that is wrong with us. Our security rests in His grace, not our personal merits.
These realities lay the basis for getting to the point where what God thinks and who we are in Him matter to us more than what other people think. We must have the right perspective if we are going to find our security in Him. The 40 Day Challenge for Maintaining a Healthy Perspective could help you with it. (Clicking on that link will take you to a page where you can get a free copy of the challenge.)
The bottom line is moving the focus off of ourselves and onto the Lord. It doesn’t matter who we are or how long we’ve been believers. In ourselves, we don’t have what it takes. We fall short. When it becomes more about who we are in the Lord and what He does for us we worry less and less about if “we” have enough faith, if “we” are strong enough, if “we” can live this Christian life, etc.
Sometimes we are actually relying on other things than the Lord. We may not even realize it because of our backgrounds or personalities. A good book to help us examine other things we might be relying on is Search for Significance by Robert McGee. (Clicking on that link will take you to one of our affiliate stores where you can learn more about this book.)