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Too Proud or Afraid to Ask for Help?

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Sometimes an atmosphere develops within a church where you need to look like you have it all together to appear spiritual. People can sometimes feel like others will judge them as having sin in their lives if they don’t appear “blessed.” The truth is, however, that loss, disaster, and hardship can hit anyone … those walking close to the Lord and those out of fellowship with Him (Matt. 5:45).

Two Ways to Help People Release Their Fear or Pride in Asking for Help

  1. We need to build environments within our churches where people feel safe to be honest. Part of that is understanding God’s design for the church as one of interdependence as seen in all those one another passages of Scripture.
  1. We need to make our life together more about the Lord than ourselves. When the focus is on Him, we become humbled rather than proud. Remember Isaiah’s experience of going into the throne room of God. His response was woe is me (Isa. 6). In a place of humility before God we realize that we are no better than the next person. We all stand in need of grace.

Perhaps you are not in a position to do something about the overall state of your church but it has to begin somewhere. Are you a safe person for people to be around? In other words, can people honestly share with you without feeling judged or demeaned? As much as lies within you, are you extending yourself to others in love and compassion? Are you exemplifying a life of both grace and truth? Are you being authentic / honest about your own needs? Are you taking time to get to know people in your sphere of influence? Are you observant of those around you? Are you taking initiative to ask people what is happening in their lives?

Sometimes we don’t know because we don’t ask. Some people who appear too proud to say something are just waiting, hoping somebody will notice, hoping somebody will ask, hoping somebody out there cares. If we wait for people in need to come to us, it just may not happen. We need to take initiative and step into their lives as they will allow us to do so. Of course, if people remain closed, we can’t force our help on them. But, we certainly can pray for them.

Check out the People Helping Ministry training for different ways you might be able to help others.

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2 Replies to “Too Proud or Afraid to Ask for Help?”

  1. When I know I need help I ask for it but my husband thinks that I’m being irresponsible and greedy because as he says it there are people worse off than us who need it more but my thoughts are a need is a need and other’s needs don’t negate ours because their need is greater than ours but the way he feels about it is if he can’t get it on his own he doesn’t need it, want it nor does he care to have it because getting help means he’s not being a good provider for his household but some times when you come to the end of yourself first you find yourself asking, begging even crying out to God for help and then eventually asking others because we were not meant to live our lives separate from one another because God made us to connect with Him and others.

    • Teri, a lot of it comes down to motivation … the big WHY question. We can say it’s for a certain reason, but God knows our heart. Perhaps a good approach in determining whether or not we should ask for help is to first look to God to search our hearts. — “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” (Ps. 139:23-24) — God can reveal if we’re just being needy or greedy. God can show us where we’re acting out of pride or a need to be in control. And, God can then help us take necessary steps to have the right approach to it if our heart isn’t where it should be in this matter. He can also give us the peace, humility, and grace we need when it is right to ask for help.

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