Category Archives: Fellowship – Unity

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church, suggesting that sometimes people become disillusioned with the church and therefore seek to distance themselves.

We live in a world with corruption and self-centered politics everywhere, including the church.  People, however, expect that the church should be exempt and so disillusionment comes with the resultant attitude of “why bother?”  Problems in the church, however, are nothing new. Read through the New Testament Epistles and you will encounter a far-from-perfect church.

The harsh reality is that we live in a fallen world. Though redeemed, Christians still must contend with the old sin nature. Read Romans 7 for a good description of that inner battle. If not walking in the Spirit, Christians too can fall into temptation and live for self, hence the need for true fellowship.  We need to spur one another on rather than spurn one another. We are all a work in progress.

How can we help disillusioned people be open to fellowship?

If we follow these seven suggestions, we’ll begin to change the tide in people’s feelings toward the church. Of course, we must follow through with consistent and persistent actions and reactions as described.

1. Do not be afraid to apologize for wrongs done in the church, to ask for forgiveness.  Worse than making a mistake is being too proud to admit it.
2. Be patient, kind, and respectful toward them.  Criticizing them for how they feel will probably only make it worse.
3. Be an example.  Model forgiveness and true fellowship.
4. Teach on the role of forgiveness in relationships.
5. Work at reconciliation and restoration among believers before irreparable damage is done (Phil. 4:2-3).  What one or two people do can affect people’s perception of the whole church.
6. Compel them with the irresistible love of Jesus.  Let His love flow through you so much that people want more. “Perfect love drives out fear” (1 Jn. 4:8).
7. Don’t give up on them.  You’ll only be living up to their expectations if you do.

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church.  One reason might be that stressed out people feel they have enough worries of their own and don’t need to take on other people’s problems.

We do live in a stress-filled world.  Fearing that fellowship with others will further burden them, some people will isolate themselves.  This actually shows a lack of understanding about true fellowship.

Scripture contains many passages about how we are to relate to “one another.” The Greek word for “one another”, allelon, denotes a mutual, reciprocal relating one to the other. The goal is that we build one another up, not become a drag on each other.  “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Prov. 27:17).

How can we help stress-filled people step outside of themselves and into true fellowship?

1. Teach about God’s design of the church being that of interdependence.  Emphasize that the one another passages are about a mutual, reciprocal relating one with the other.  True fellowship is a two-way street.
2. Set time limits for each person to share when breaking into smaller groups or pairs.  Signal when it should be time to switch focus onto the other person.
3. If you have “needy” people in your small group, do not be afraid to put a cap on their sharing so they do not monopolize the time. When you do that, however, it should come with a promise to speak one-on-one after group time if the need remains. You do not want anyone to feel ignored. If you allow someone to monopolize the group with their needs, it could discourage others who then don’t have opportunity to share.
4. Provide other forums like support groups or one-on-one counseling for those who can’t seem to step outside of themselves enough to care about the needs of others.  Make the objective of such groups that of helping people become fully functioning members of the body, not to wallow in their problems.

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church, like busyness.  According to Acts 2:42, the early church devoted themselves to fellowship.  To truly be there for one another took time.  They were available to one another.  They were committed to the process.

Time and availability, however, tend to be a rare commodity for many in today’s world geared toward instant access and fast service.  It takes time, however, to get to know people.  And, it isn’t always convenient to extend comfort and encouragement when people most need it.

How can we help busy people take time for true fellowship?

1. Perhaps we need to re-educate people about the purpose of coming together.  It isn’t just about coming to worship God.  The church is also about people who build each other up.  Fellowship isn’t going to happen when you rush in and out without stopping to engage in conversations. Church leaders, be careful meetings are not so tightly scheduled that people have no time to interact in-between.  If the sermon is always going overtime, it will tend to make people all the more eager to rush out at the end.  If your service gets over at noon, people will want to go eat lunch.  If you can’t make the time earlier, perhaps you can tack a meal on at the end … at least sometimes.  This of course, might only pull in a limited number of people but it is something to consider.
2. We might be tempted to all the more encourage the use of social media because we’re busy.  It only takes a few seconds to send a tweet.  You can write on your Facebook wall and all your friends will get it.  — a real time saver, right?  Perhaps, but a high tech world also tends to lead to a low touch world.  Encourage people to use these mediums but to guard against them becoming a substitute for face-to-face relationships simply because it is more convenient. Ministry leaders can be an example in this.  How easy it is in these days to abandon face-to-face recruitment efforts in lieu of a quick e-mail or software programs geared to streamlining contacts.  Let’s use technology but not be used by it.
3. Offer a variety of options for people getting together that provide a variety of commitment levels to meet people where they are. Someone following MinTools.com on Facebook suggested asking people to our homes for dessert, “not too long to keep them from things,” as opposed to inviting them for a full meal where they would feel guilty to simply eat and run.  This is a good option for busy people whereas others might be able to take time for a meal.  Perhaps you could start by inviting them for a meal and if they hesitate because they are too busy, offer the dessert option.  This example could possibly be applied to other ways we might try to get people to meet together.
4. Do things that truly interest people and meet needs and they will be more prone to make the time.  People, as busy as they are, tend to make time for what they believe is important.
5. Teach on time management and lining up our priorities with God’s.
6. Minimize travel time for small groups and other get-togethers by grouping according to locale.
7. Build more opportunities for true fellowship into already existing ministry venues.  What people don’t need is another program to attend.
8. Pastors and ministry leaders must participate in fellowship with the Body as well, leading the way, if they expect others to follow suit.   It is so easy for pastors and ministry leaders to engage in fellowship with fellow staff and rarely with fellow church members.  People need to see both in leadership.

In a previous post we looked at possible causes for the decline of true fellowship in the church.  Lets consider the question with which the post ended. — In light of the possible causes for its decline … like living in what has been called a high tech, low touch world, what can be done to restore true fellowship?

The Apostle Paul consistently encouraged churches to “Greet one another with a holy kiss” (Rom. 16:16; 1 Cor. 16:20; 2 Cor. 13:12; 1 Thess. 5:26).  He was literally asking them to demonstrate their fellowship through an act of affection, not simply through words.  That is hard to do on social networks, over the phone, texting, or through e-mail.

How can we foster true fellowship in a high tech, low touch world?

1. I recently read something stating that today’s high tech generation may be starting to have difficulty relating to one another in person.  If that is so, encourage them to start by simply greeting one another.  If the “holy kiss” (sign of affection could also be a hug or handshake) pushes you too far, what about a simple welcoming gesture like saying hello, nod of the head, meeting of eyes, a smile?  … Try doing it with everyone who crosses your path.  See what a difference it makes.  And, leaders need to be setting an example in this.

2. Teach on the one another passages in such a practical way that people see that there is no substitute for face-to-face fellowship.

3. Don’t compete with technology.  Use it but don’t rely on it.  Encourage the use of e-mail, texting, and social media to stay in touch but help people see that it is only a stepping stone, a complimentary or supplementary means to enhance true fellowship.

4. While people are together, make the most of that time relationally.  Make sure Sunday School teachers, small group leaders, etc. are trained to know how to strengthen relationships among group members.   Don’t expect it to happen naturally.  Though Hebrews 10:24 was written prior to communication technology, the need to plan for it to happen was encouraged back then — “And let us consider how we may spur one another on …”  How much more we need to be deliberate about this today!

5. Encourage small groups to add a fun activity and/or outreach effort into their agenda, perhaps quarterly.  Fun activities give us opportunity to simply enjoy each other’s presence. We need to do more of that!  Outreach activities give us opportunity to work/serve with others side by side. While technology might get us connected, it will only go so far! We can’t too easily do these things through email, social media, etc.

(The last two points were based on some comments from someone following MinTools.com on Facebook.)