If the message we, as parents or teachers, want children to receive when we discipline doesn’t get through, perhaps it’s because we’re sending hidden messages in disciplining.
Reasons for Hidden Messages in Disciplining
Sometimes the message we intend to send when disciplining is not received that way because our words don’t match our actions or the way they’re presented.
- Words and actions do not match: Inconsistency
We say one thing and do another.
- Words and demeanor do not match: Mixed message
We say one thing but our tone of voice or body language say another.
- Words and intent do not match: Empty threats
We say one thing but mean another.
If this is the cases, don’t be surprised when behavior doesn’t change.
Sometimes our words do match our actions, demeanor, and intent but don’t align with what we teach. The parent or teacher feels frustration, anger, apathy, or disrespect and it’s coming through. Even then, we could think we are merely communicating our feelings about their behavior but they might be receiving a different message like:
- The parent/teacher doesn’t really care about me. — It’s all about the parent/teacher, not the student.
- The parent/teacher thinks I’m stupid or hopeless. — It’s about putting children in their place, not helping them do better.
If this is the cases, don’t be surprised when behavior doesn’t change.
Guard Against Discipline Messages That Do Little to Change Behavior
When you discipline, think before you speak. Examine your heart. Line up with God’s intent and focus in disciplining. Choose your words carefully. And then follow that proverbial wisdom to “say what you mean and mean what you say.”
Help for Bible Teachers:




