Hidden Messages in Disciplining

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If the message we, as parents or teachers, want children to receive when we discipline doesn’t get through, perhaps it’s because we’re sending hidden messages in disciplining.

Reasons for Hidden Messages in Disciplining

Sometimes the message we intend to send when disciplining is not received that way because our words don’t match our actions or the way they’re presented.

  • Words and actions do not match: Inconsistency
    We say one thing and do another.
  • Words and demeanor do not match: Mixed message
    We say one thing but our tone of voice or body language say another.
  • Words and intent do not match: Empty threats
    We say one thing but mean another.

If this is the cases, don’t be surprised when behavior doesn’t change.

Sometimes our words do match our actions, demeanor, and intent but don’t align with what we teach. The parent or teacher feels frustration, anger, apathy, or disrespect and it’s coming through.  Even then, we could think we are merely communicating our feelings about their behavior but they might be receiving a different message like:

  • The parent/teacher doesn’t really care about me. — It’s all about the parent/teacher, not the student.
  • The parent/teacher thinks I’m stupid or hopeless. — It’s about putting children in their place, not helping them do better.

If this is the cases, don’t be surprised when behavior doesn’t change.

Guard Against Discipline Messages That Do Little to Change Behavior

When you discipline, think before you speak.  Examine your heart.  Line up with God’s intent and focus in disciplining.  Choose your words carefully.  And then follow that proverbial wisdom to “say what you mean and mean what you say.”

Help for Bible Teachers:

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Being Versus Doing: Which is most important in ministry?

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In God’s Book, both being and doing are essential.  However, God does make it clear that what we do grows out of who we are. So, when asking which is most important in ministry, being versus doing, we must conclude that being leads to doing.

Biblical Principles About Being Versus Doing

God clearly states that who we are inside tends to surface in what we say and do.

The good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and the evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks. (Lk. 6:45)

God also makes it clear that if we don’t do what we should be doing, something is wrong.

As the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without deeds is dead. (James 2:26)

No good tree bears bad fruit, nor does a bad tree bear good fruit.  (Lk. 6:43)

Practical Application of the Need to Both Be and Do in Ministry

Guard against hypocrisy.  How easy it is for people in ministry to say one thing and do another.  This lack of integrity cuts into the effectiveness of ministry.  Jesus confronted hypocrisy in the religious leaders of His day.  A whole chapter (Matt. 23), along with other isolated passages, is devoted to His pronouncement of woes on their hypocrisy.

Solution:  self-examination and personal accountability.

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.  (Matt. 7:5)

Guard against being a stumbling block.  When we do not model Christlikeness in all we do, we cut into the effectiveness of ministry.  Paul used his own ministry as an example:

We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited.  (2 Cor. 6:3)

Solution:  commitment and determination.

Make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way. (Rom. 14:13)

Being Versus Doing - Above All Guard Your Heart
Notice:  The solutions are all qualities of being.  Doing the right things grows out of being who we should be. So, to guard against hypocrisy and being a stumbling block, we must guard our hearts.

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I Know Some Servants … with the Spiritual Gift of Service

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The Spiritual Gift of Service Defined

to identify undone tasks in God’s work, however menial, and use available resources to get the job done

Examples of the Importance of Gifting Accomplished Behind the Scenes

Servant #1:  She helped with cleaning the church, even when she wouldn’t get paid to do so.  She showed up at church work days helping to paint, plant flowers, or whatever was still undone.  She offered to set up for or clean up after special events.  Whatever needed to be done, she would pitch in.  And, she enjoyed it!

Servant #2:  When the facilities needed to be renovated for the children’s ministry, he was there with his hammer and saw.  He wasn’t afraid to get dirty and do hard manual labor.  No one knew the countless hours he invested into this project.

What these servants did was usually behind the scenes.  They may or may not have been noticed or recognized.  The work they did was not glamorous and didn’t directly result in souls being saved or people being discipled.  But, if they and others like them did not do these kinds of tasks, it certainly would be noticeable.  That first impression visitors get would not be so good if the facilities were unkempt.  The learning environment would have been less ideal.

Lesson to be learned:

Everyone’s contribution to the Body of Christ is important and needed.  Whether we have speaking gifts or serving gifts, we need to faithfully exercise them with the strength He provides to His glory.  All gifts are distributed on the basis of grace and to be administered as His grace into the lives of others.  People with the spiritual gift of service should not view themselves as any less important or less needed in the Body of Christ.  Watch for comparing yourself with someone else.

If the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.  And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has arranged the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be.  (1 Cor. 12:15-18)

Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God’s grace in its various forms.  If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.  (1 Pet. 4:10-11)

Ministry Handbook: Spiritual Gifts in UseGet this example of the ways the spiritual gift of service can be used, along with 20 other gifts, in the Ministry Handbook: Spiritual Gifts in Use. In addition, the handbook suggests spiritual gifts most typically used in 16 broad ministry areas and 27 specific tasks that may need to be accomplished in most of those areas.

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I Know Some Servants … with the Spiritual Gift of Prophecy

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The Spiritual Gift of Prophecy Defined

to speak forth the message of God to His people

     Greek word: prophetes (‘pro’=forth; ‘phemi’=to speak)

Example of How Gifting Must Be Used According to God’s Purposes and Ways

Servant #1:  He was a retired pastor who no longer did much preaching, but often would lead in the pastoral prayer.  You could still hear the pronouncements toward sin and righteousness as he prayed about the social woes and problems in the church.  Often your own heart would be brought under conviction as you listened to his prayers filled with Scripture about God’s desires for His people.

Servant #2:  He worked with young people in his church.  His lessons tended to focus on what he saw wrong in their lives.  His heart was for them to grow in the Lord and to live holy lives.  Though well-intentioned, his persistent and strong emphasis on the sin in their lives caused students to feel put down.

Both of these servants had the gift of prophecy.  They couldn’t help but see the contrast between what should be and what was in people’s lives and speak up.  They felt compelled to speak forth the Word of truth into a situation.  Yet, you see a different outcome in the lives of those to whom they spoke truth.

Lesson to be learned:

Let’s remember that spiritual gifts must be used through God’s power and line up with His purpose and principles.  The ultimate purpose of any gift is for the common good and building up of God’s people.  Gifts can be misused which was happening in the church of Corinth.  1 Corinthians 14 specifically states that the use of the gift of prophecy is to be done for the purpose of edification, exhortation, and consolation.  It is not simply about saying what you believe needs to be said or bringing people under condemnation.  It must be coupled with grace for people to get beyond simply feeling condemned.  Jesus, who left us an example, was full of grace AND truth (Jn. 1:14).  We are to “speak the truth in love” (Eph. 4:15).

Ministry Handbook: Spiritual Gifts in UseGet this example of the spiritual gift of prophecy in use, along with 20 other gifts, in the Ministry Handbook: Spiritual Gifts in Use. In addition, the handbook suggests spiritual gifts most typically used in 16 broad ministry areas and 27 specific tasks that may need to be accomplished in most of those areas.

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Does your children’s class have the BLAs?

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To teach the Bible effectively to children, classes need a good dose of the BLAs.  What??

NOT the BLAs that come from a boring, dull class with a teacher stuck in a rut where students passively sit and listen or find other inappropriate ways of keeping awake or amusing themselves.

BUT, the BLAs that are experienced in an active, enthusiastic class learning from God’s Word in ways that get students involved  — Bible Learning Activities.

Why Use BLAs (Bible Learning Activities)

  1. Because of the way God created people to learn through their senses
  2. Because people learn best and retain more when actively involved in the learning process

While all ages would benefit from this kind of instruction, children particularly need lessons that allow them to do something, to explore and discover.

How to Use BLAs (Bible Learning Activities)

– Always having a purpose for the activities you use.

– Use a variety of activities.

– Give students choices when possible.

– Turn some of the planning of activities over to students if appropriate.

– Use guided conversation with students as they do the activities.

– Don’t limit Bible Learning Activities to acquiring knowledge but also use them in practicing life application.

What Kind of Bible Learning Activities to Use

BLAS - Bible Learning Activities for ChildrenYou will now find a resource in the MinTools.com store called Bible Learning Activities for Children.  This resource provides a one page handout on each of the following types of of activities. The pages can be ordered separately but cost less bundled which you will see if you click on the above link.

Books
Crafts
Dramatic Play
Games
Manipulatives (blocks, puzzles, other)
Media
Music
Pictures

Depending on how they are used, these activities can enable students to research in order to gain new knowledge or to have what has already been learned reinforced.

Each handout looks at why this activity is good to use, how to choose specific means within that method, what you need to remember when using it, and how to expand its use.

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Teacher Acrostic – What’s in Your Heart?

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Teacher's Life Reflects the Heart
As water reflects the face, so one’s life reflects the heart. (Prov. 27:19)

Applied to teachers, Proverbs 27:19 would say, “so a teacher’s heart reflects the teacher.”

As teachers, we need to do the right things, but our hearts need to be right as well.  “All a man’s ways seem right to him, but the Lord weighs the heart” (Prov. 21:2).

Teacher Acrostic of Traits that ought to be in a Teacher’s Heart

Teachable Heart  (attentive, listens, observes)

Prov. 10:8; 22:17; 23:12; 24:32

Enlightened Heart  (wise, discerning)

Prov. 15:14; 16:21; 23:15

Aligned Heart   (walks in truth; trusts in God, not self)

Ps. 86:11; Prov. 3:5-6

Caring Heart  (loves, compassionate)

Prov. 3:3; 1 Pet. 1:22

Humble Heart   (not proud)

Ps. 51:17; 131:1

Earnest Heart  (sincere)

Col. 3:22;  Heb. 10:22

Righteous Heart   (pure, maintains integrity)

Ps. 15:1-2; 51:10; 119:80

Steadfast   (firmly established)

Ps. 57:7; 112:7

What’s in Your Heart?

Remember, “a teacher’s heart reflects the teacher.”

So, what’s in your heart?

To answer that questions, start by praying something similar to the following verses:

Test me, O Lord, and try me, examine my heart and my mind.  (Ps. 26:2)

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. (Ps. 139:23)

Then get specific in your prayers about each of the heart conditions in the above acrostic, particularly in how it relates to your teaching.  Ask:

  • Do I have this kind of heart?
  • Why do I need this kind of heart in teaching?

Then ask God to more fully develop this heart within you.

For More About Bible Teachers’ Qualities, Check Out: Be-Attitudes for Teachers Devotional Guide

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