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Restarts in Relationships: The Steps

Posted on May 15, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — No Comments ↓

God gave us a picture of what it takes for broken relationships to be restored. His Word provides much wisdom on how to get there. But, He doesn’t expect us to be able to do it on our own. He also gives the power and grace we need each step of the way.

Steps to Take Toward Restarts in Relationships

The following steps will help us “make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to be holy” (Heb. 12:14). While we can work through them chronologically, ultimately they should be happening simultaneously. They mustn’t be viewed as a once and done effort. We may need to keep rotating through them or coming back to certain steps over and over.

First examine your relationship with God and make sure you are right with Him. Are you relying on His wisdom, power, and grace?

We love because he first loved us. … For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. And he has given us this command: Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister. (1 Jn. 4:19-21)

Own up to any part you may have had in the problem and deal with it. Are you letting His grace break through any pride or insecurities in your own life hindering reconciliation?

How can you say to your brother, “Let me take the speck out of your eye,” when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matt. 7:4-5)

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. (Ps. 139:23-24)

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. (1 Jn. 1:9)

Make reconciliation with others a priority. The longer time passes, the harder it may be to reconcile. Are you asking God for wisdom in how to proceed?

… if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift. … (Matt. 5:21-25)

In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold. (Eph. 4:26-27)

Extend forgiveness to those who have hurt you. Seek the forgiveness of those you may have offended. Are you remembering God’s grace in your own life?

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (Eph. 4:32)

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. (Col. 3:13)

Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying “I repent,” you must forgive them. (Lk. 17:4)

Trust God to work for the good even when reconciliation doesn’t come or doesn’t come quickly. Are you confident in God’s sovereign power?

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. (Rom. 8:28)

Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. (Prov. 3:5-6)

Keep praying for and treating the other person with respect and love regardless of his/her reactions. Are you seeking God’s grace to love and forgive as He does and His power to maintain Christ-like reactions when the response isn’t mutual?

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. (Lk. 6:27-29a)

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. … Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. … Do not take revenge … On the contrary: “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good. (Rom. 12:14-21)

Restarts in Relationships: The Goal

Posted on May 8, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — 2 Comments ↓

Throughout our lives we’ll encounter times when we need a restart. Sometimes it’s because we’re stuck or sluggish, like we saw in the last post about when our ministries might need a restart. Other times, it’s because something is broken, like our fellowship with others due to some sort of offense, hurt, or misunderstanding. The strain on our relationships can lead to hostility and division if we don’t take steps toward reconciliation.

Relational restarts usually aren’t easy since we can’t control the reactions of others. Yet, God will provide the needed wisdom, power, and grace.

Goal of Restarts in Relationships Should be Reconciliation

God in His wisdom demonstrated for us what it takes for relational restoration. Notice the elements of love, sacrifice, and forgiveness (“not counting people’s sins against them”) in the following verses, resulting in peace, no longer alienation.

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. … For if, while we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! (Rom. 5:8-10)

All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting people’s sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. (2 Cor. 5:18-19)

and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross. Once you were alienated from God and were enemies in your minds because of your evil behavior. But now he has reconciled you … (Col. 1:20-22)

So, in our relationships with one another, we’re to love as He loves which will sometimes require us to sacrifice and forgive even those who do not deserve such mercy and grace. We will strive toward peace with one another. — “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” (Rom. 12:18)

Understand the Realities of Restarts in Relationships

When talking about forgiveness, reconciliation, restoration, and peace in relationships, we need to accept the following realities:

Reconciliation may not mean agreement. We may need to agree to disagree as we make every effort to be at peace with one another, not letting bitterness or hostility fester. (Rom. 12:18; Heb. 12:14)

Forgiveness means we are not vindictive or holding the person’s “sin” against them (2 Cor. 5:18-19). It does not mean a lack of consequences. Nor does it mean changes don’t have to be made before the relationship can be restored. We do not ignore dysfunction (Jn. 8:10-11).

The relationship may never get back to what it was but at least, out of reverence to Christ and for His sake, our goal should be to get to the point where we can truly be amicable, or at peace, with one another (Eph. 5:21). God will give us the grace and power we need to rise above as we take steps in that direction.

Need a Restart Button?

Posted on April 17, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — No Comments ↓

When my computer gets sluggish or something isn’t quite right with it, I tend go to the start menu and push ‘Restart’ as a reboot will usually clear out what might be stuck or out of sorts. Even when I’m not sure what the problem might be, I’ve learned not to waste a lot of time trying to figure it out but rather quickly turn to the restart button.

Do You Wish You Could Start Anew?

Sometimes we might wish we had a restart button in our lives and ministries. While it may not be as simplistic as pushing a button, the quicker we turn to God, the less time and frustration we’ll waste as God will give us …

the wisdom we need to get on the right path (James 1:5; Prov. 3:5-6),

the strength and power we need to make necessary changes (Phil. 4:13),

and the grace we need to rise above even in adverse circumstances or with difficult people (2 Cor. 12:9).

Areas in Which We Might Need a Restart

Perhaps ministry isn’t going as we’d hoped. We may need a restart in ministry. Or, we may find ourselves in some relationships with broken fellowship. We may need a relational restart. Maybe we’re stuck in the rut of reoccurring sins, bad habits, unhealthy attitudes. We may need a spiritual restart. In whatever way we need to start anew, let’s remember that we have a God of new beginnings. He will give us the needed wisdom, power, and grace.

How God Answers Prayer

Posted on February 6, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — 2 Comments ↓

Some believers have prayed in faith, believing with their whole heart that God would answer their prayers. How could it not be God’s will for what they prayed about to occur? Yet, despite their fervent pleading, the good they requested failed to happen. Experiences like this often raise questions about prayer. Is it not then possible that what seems to be answers to prayer are just coincidences? However, once we settle the issue of who God is, then we’re ready to accept how He answers prayer.

How God Answers Prayer Must Align with Who He Is

Prayer, and the way God answers prayer, makes better sense the more we view God for the great God He is —

all-knowing and wise as well as all-powerful,
sovereign and righteous as well as loving and faithful.

God responds to our prayers out of the sum total of who He is. Though He has the power to do all things, because of His omniscience, He knows certain things we ask for might not ultimately be wise and for our good. He loves us enough to do what is right and best even if we throw a tantrum because it’s not what we want.

We come to Him as a loving Father who will always do what is right and best. Consequently, answers to prayer may be yes, no, or not right now. This happens in the earthly realm when a loving father answers a child’s request with similar responses so it shouldn’t surprise us that God, who far supersedes imperfect earthly parents, sometimes answers no or not now.

Since our heavenly Father perfectly understands what’s happening, totally knows what’s best, and always responds out of pure motives (Lk. 11:9-13), He isn’t going to give us everything just because we ask for it. His objective isn’t simply to make us happy but to make us better (Heb. 12:5-11).

Some of the best answers to prayer may be the ones where He responds “no” because in the end, getting what we wanted may have actually done more harm than we ever would have realized or caused us to miss out on good we never imagined. Again, because we aren’t God, just like little kids, we don’t always ask for what’s good or best. Consequently, we may not always get what we ask for because God responds from a view of the big picture. Rather than let seemingly unanswered prayer shake our faith, let’s let God be God.

Who God Is Affects How God Answers Prayer

Posted on January 30, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — No Comments ↓

True, not all prayers seem to get answered. This can lead some to think those prayers that do appear to be answered may be mere coincidence. Before we jump to that conclusion, we need to understand that answers to prayers aren’t always what we expect.

The closer we walk with God, the more we can sense that He’s working in our lives nonetheless, even in responses to our prayers that don’t appear answered.

The deeper and more intimately we understand who God is, the more we identify His faithfulness to us in all things. Even when we don’t quite understand His response, we realize that He’s working for our best interest because He, being God, sees the big picture, which we don’t. The stronger our conviction about the greatness of God, the harder it is to believe in mere coincidences.

What We Know About God That Affects How God Answers Prayer

To understand who God is, we can look at what He’s made (Rom. 1:20-21) as well as evidences of His work in people’s lives (Rom. 2:14-15; 2 Cor. 3:2-3) but most importantly, we’ll get to know Him through His Word, the Bible. To reconcile issues like how God answers prayer, we must look at the whole of Scripture and not just pull out isolated verses about God or rely on our limited understanding based on our experiences.

Here’s some of what we’ll discover:

1) We have an omniscient God. If we believe in His ability to know all things, and hence see the big picture, certainly He is able to know what is best. If not, answers may not result in what’s wise and ultimately good. Then we may get what we want, but lose out on what we need.

2) We have a sovereign God. If we believe He works all things for the good (Rom. 8:28), then however the answer to our prayer comes about, certainly God must have His hand in it. If we can’t be assured of His involvement, perhaps what appear to be answers could be mere coincidence. Then we might as well question the validity of bothering to pray.

3) We have a faithful God. If we believe He stays true to who He is and what He says, certainly He must keep His many promises about answered prayer. If not, He’s a liar who can’t be depended upon. Then He is not worthy of believing in or praying to at all.

4) We have a righteous God. If we believe He always does that which is right, true, good, and holy, certainly His responses to our prayers will not betray His own character. If so, He’s flawed and not reliable in His responses. Then He’s not much of a God and we may as well rely on our own finite understanding and abilities.

5) We have a loving, gracious, and merciful God. If we believe He truly cares about us, certainly He will answer in ways that bring about what’s best for us which may sometimes result in a “no” answer to prayer. If He always gives us what we ask for, even if it’s not for our good, He’s simply pampering us. Then He doesn’t truly love us for love always protects (1 Cor. 13:7).

If we truly believe God is all of the above, and so much more, then we’ve got to realize that just because we don’t “see” or understand how God answers, it doesn’t mean He isn’t working on our behalf. It simply means we are not God. There are a lot of things in life we don’t fully understand. Maybe we don’t know how electricity works yet we believe it will work when we turn on the light switch. We may not grasp a lot about how cars operate yet we trust that our cars will get us to where we need to go. But, let’s be clear: Things like electricity and cars can be faulty or unreliable when they break down. If God truly is all-knowing, sovereign, faithful, totally righteous and loving, then how much more we should rely on Him for He will never fail us.

So, the bottom line, when it comes to prayer, what do you really understand and believe about God?

Check Out: Theology Resources – Study of the God of the Bible

Also Check Out: Our Great God from A to Z Discipleship Tool

Answer to Prayer or Just Coincidence?

Posted on January 23, 2019 by Ministry Tools Resource Center — 2 Comments ↓

When asked by someone how we could know if something happened was truly an answer to prayer or mere coincidence, we got into a lengthy discourse.

Response to Whether Prayer Was Answered or It Was Just a Coincidence

By the end of our discussion, it all seemed to boil down to what we believe about the following:

1) Who God is

If God promises to answer prayer, what does seemingly unanswered prayer say about Him?

2) How God answers prayer

If some prayers go unanswered, isn’t it then possible that the ones that seem to be answered are pure coincidence?

The above two points go hand in hand. How God answers prayer flows from who God is. What God does must always be congruent with His character. If He isn’t consistent within Himself, He can’t be depended upon. How do we know if He’ll actually answer our prayer? And, if prayer seems to be answered, how do we know it isn’t mere coincidence?

We humans struggle with consistency. God, however, for Him to be God, must always be consistent. — “if we are faithless, he remains faithful, for he cannot disown himself.” (2 Tim. 2:13) We must explain seemingly unanswered prayer in light of who He is, not on the basis of our own limited understanding or experiences.

Be sure to look for subsequent posts that will address these points.

For More on Praying, Go To: Prayer Resources